It occurred to me this morning, as I was running after my toddler trying to put barrettes in her hair, that there should be some sort of awards for us moms who jump through hoops to get even the most ordinary of tasks done. A Mommy Olympics, if you will. Check me out:
Event #1: The Teethbrushing Challenge
Moms will each compete to get their child's teeth brushed in the best time, while battling a defiant toddler who only wants to splash in the running sink water, smear the bubblegum-flavored toothpaste all over the mirror and jump on and off of the Dora-themed stepstool.
*Bonus points awarded if you can get your toddler to "spit" when appropriate.
Event #2: The Clothing Challenge
Moms will each compete to get their child dressed in the best time, while battling a defiant toddler who does NOT want to get dressed in presentable, outside clothing, but who ONLY wants to wear her pink army fatigue pajama bottoms along with her Dora short-sleeved shirt. And it's winter.
Added challenge: Toddlers will intentionally implement the reknown "jelly-legs" maneuver whereby they refuse to lock their knees so that you may easily pull on their pants.
*Bonus points awarded if you can get the toddler's arms through the sleeve holes without forcing her to let go of the My Little Pony doll [the letting go of which would result in an all-out tantrum thereby adding to your time and lowering your score].
*Bonus points awarded if you can get the toddler's arms through the sleeve holes without forcing her to let go of the My Little Pony doll [the letting go of which would result in an all-out tantrum thereby adding to your time and lowering your score].
Event #3: The Bath Challenge
Moms will each compete to bathe their child in the best time, while battling a defiant toddler who does NOT want to be touched with ANY form of soap whatsoever.
Moms will each compete to bathe their child in the best time, while battling a defiant toddler who does NOT want to be touched with ANY form of soap whatsoever.
Even the Dora bodywash that she allegedly loves. Said toddler will also refuse to stand up when asked as well as refuse to sit down when asked. But will happily practice the "bail the water out of the sinking boat" manuever whereby she, well tries to bail the water out of the NOT-sinking bathtub.
*Bonus points awarded if moms can complete this challenge without becoming soaking wet and sweaty.
Event #4: The Dinnertime Challenge
Moms will each compete to prepare and feed their child dinner in the best time, while battling a defiant toddler who does NOT want to eat the balanced meal that you are so lovingly preparing, but instead ONLY wants to eat an entire bag of blue corn tortilla chips. And feed said corn chips to her Dora doll.
Moms will each compete to prepare and feed their child dinner in the best time, while battling a defiant toddler who does NOT want to eat the balanced meal that you are so lovingly preparing, but instead ONLY wants to eat an entire bag of blue corn tortilla chips. And feed said corn chips to her Dora doll.
Added challenge: Mom must prepare said meal whilst holding an infant on her hip or hanging onto her leg. Her choice.
*Bonus points if the mom doesn't actually consider just feeding the toddler the blue corn chips for dinner because, technically, corn is a vegetable.
Speed Skating my eye.
[Oops, sorry Grey's is on. Gotta find out what happens to Meredith.
If you have any ideas for another Mommy Olympics event, please do share. Just wait until you hear what the prizes for 1st through 3rd place are.]
BTW -- Can you tell that I am REALLY sick of Dora?
"Come on let's get to it...
I know that we can do it!" GET RID of her that is.
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