" There is always a percentage of letters that do not get answered for various reasons. Please do not exceed the $25 limit!! It is unfair to the children, as some may not receive a gift while others get many. "

Last month at Big Machine there was an easel set up on the landing of the stairs leading to the upstairs offices with a sign up sheet affixed to it.

"Sign up to play Santa for a child in need!" it said.

Most of the people in my department had signed up, and the dollar limit for gift-giving was 20-25 dollars, so I signed up too, thinking it would be my good deed for the year. And then I forgot all about it until last week when I got a letter in my Inbox.

"Dear Santa," it read, "I am 6 years old and in 1st grade.

I want to get makeup. Thank you. Love, Taylor.

"

I looked around the office and everybody was reading their letters.

"Oh, God," said one of my cubicle mates, "I can't read his writing. Look at that - what is that?

What does he want?"

We all studied her letter. "Dear Santa, Please give me a xigowehr!

I need it for shoierus! Thank you! Love Ioweirqqu.

"

"Well," said another coworker, "the good news is that he doesn't really have anything, so whatever you get him is going to be appreciated."

"Oh, that is good news, thanks."

We had a deadline to turn in the gifts to HR in three weeks, so the next time I went to Target for cat litter, I cruised into the Girls' toy section looking for "mayckup," thinking I could drop about five bucks on some strawberry-flavored lip gloss and some silver glitter or something.

I'd spoken to my dad about the gift-giving earlier that week.

"These are some of the poorest kids in the city," I told him, "and all she wanted was makeup."

"Makeup?

At 6 years old?" said my dad. "Well, you've got to blame the parents for that.

"

I suppose, but it's a fairly positive assumption to think these kids even have parents. These kids are the kind of kids I saw fifteen years ago outside Excalibur, the downtown nightclub where I worked, five or six years old wandering around at 1:00 am, having walked over by themselves from Cabrini Green.* The children we are playing Santa for live in West Englewood, one of Chicago's poorest communities.

All of the children are at the 99% national poverty level or higher, and many of the children are homeless or being raised by elderly grand or great grandparents. Charitable organizations buy them shoes, coats, and underwear.

But yeah, I guess you could blame the parents because Miss Taylor wants makeup, but have you seen the toy aisle at Target?

Wow. I mean, wow. This is the first time I've really looked at the girls' aisle.

I buy my nieces books off the internet for Christmas every year, and I of course have boys, so I never paid attention to how things break down. On the right side are the boys' toys: Legoes, race tracks that require assembly, National Geographic science kits, water guns, cars, and trucks. Tons of games that provide movement and stimulate the brain.

On the girls' side, there was only one message provided, written in curly pink neon font over the aisle: BE THE BEST WHORE YOU CAN BE.

Mothers of girls! How do you shop for toys for your daughters without gagging?

Holy cow. It was all Barbie and Bratz dolls, those heavily made up dolls with the tiny belly shirts and mouths shaped like vaginas, whose only goal is to be sexee. At least Barbie, in addition to being freakishly tall with unrealistic implants, ran for President and opened up her own veterinary clinic.

But the only theme going on in two pink-saturated aisles was hair and clothes, hair and clothes, hair and clothes. No makeup though, which I found confusing. How can our six year olds prepare for rainbow parties without lipstick?

I was baffled, I tell you!

Eventually I gave up and wandered over to the clothing aisle. Per the letter I received about gift-giving guidelines:

"While it is often more enjoyable to buy a child a toy, remember that these children often need necessities like warm coats, hats, and gloves.

Please do not feel bad about giving these items."

I ended up getting completely engrossed in 6 year old fashion, spending half an hour matching a long-sleeved shirt to a soft fuzzy hat to a scarf to two pairs of gloves. Along the way, I also found a Lipsmackers makeup kit for four dollars that had 2 clear lipglosses and silver cheek glitter.

I enjoyed shopping for little girl clothes tremendously, because not only do they have more flair than boys' clothes, most of time I can't get my own kids to put on anything but boxer shorts anyway. I had reached my $25 dollar limit and turned the cart and aimed it for the cash registers when I saw the coat.

It was long, wool, and plaid, coordinating perfectly with everything in my cart.

I picked up the coat, feeling its snug weight and warmth lean reassuringly into my hands. I imagined Miss Taylor coming to school in her brand new outfit, looking like a million bucks at the bus stop in her new hat, scarf, and coat. I imagined her stuffing her new gloves into the pockets before taking off the coat and hanging it on the hook with her name over it, revealing the stylish new shirt.

And then I started to cry right there in the damn Target, because the coat was 34 dollars, and even if I put everything back I still couldn't buy her the coat because it was over 25. I imagined asking to speak to the manager and begging her to give me the coat, and immediately discarded the idea because I had no proof that I was shopping for a charitable organization, and anyway the world is distressingly full of impoverished children, and what makes Miss Taylor so special, other than the fact that she's mine?

As upset as I was, I knew the dollar limit was fair.

"There is always a percentage of letters that do not get answered for various reasons. Please do not exceed the $25 limit!!

It is unfair to the children, as some may not receive a gift while others get many."

What kind of monster signs up to buy a gift for these children, gets such a sweet, innocent, hopeful letter, and then blows it off? This is the only present these children are going to get.

Is there an asshole so big in the world that is unable to see how important follow-through is here?

I consoled myself by going back to the toy aisle, into the boys' aisle, and bought a National Geographic science kit where kids can make their own candy. It came fully equipped, no extras needed, and was for the 9-12 year old age range.

According to the letter, most people request younger children, and older children often get nothing. I took it home and wrapped it, sticking a note on it that said, "Boy or girl, 9-12 years." That would balance out my nausea at having all that pink crammed down my throat, as well as my upset at the thought that there are actually people every year that flake out on these kids.

I took the presents home and spent quite a bit of time wrapping them. See how fabulous they look? All the wrapping was made with items I had laying around the house.

(Thank you, Danny Seo, and Harper Collins, for sending me .) The gift with the handles is an inside out paper bag from The Olive Garden, and the stack of boxes are recycled from a gift we got last year from the company that processes our Honeysuckle credit card orders. In lieu of the coat, I thought Taylor might enjoy opening several gifts, and maybe she would like to play with the fancy boxes, too.

As I wrapped I told Steve about my trip to Whores R Us, all full of self-rightous fury.

"Yeah, that sucks," he said. "So what did you end up getting for your little girl?

"

"Oh, I got her the cutest little makeup kit!" I gushed. "See, the lipgloss is in a pink tube, and I matched it to this pink shirt with the rhinestones on it in the shape of a heart, which matches the silver cheek glitter, then I got her a matching pink hat, scarf, and gloves!

"

Steve looked at me, saying nothing.

"Oh, shut up," I said.


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*for those of you unfamiliar with Chicago geography, click for a map of Cabrini Green.

The purple line indicated the area where was, and Excalibur is on the corner of State and Ontario.

________________________

If you are interested in playing Santa for one of these children, . The deadline to turn in presents is December 18th.

And if you sign up, FOLLOW THROUGH.