To: Executive Producer, The Chaser's War On Dear Julian,
respect of satirical matter re the Prime Minister, the Hon John Howard, MP. The figures are as follows: Jokes about the Prime Minister occupied 14 mins and 37.6 secs of air time, whereas jokes about the Leader of the Opposition, the Hon Kim Beazley, MP, lasted for only 9 mins and 28.
4 secs.
In the interests of balance, you are hereby directed to remedy this humour deficit by providing, forthwith, an additional 5 mins 9.2 secs of comedy about Mr Beazley.
Furthermore, the volume of audience laughter (and, regrettably, 105 decibels per punchline, whilst the Beazley items reached only 84 decibels.
expense are as funny as those about Mr Howard, thus ensuring that the amount of laughter is fair and balanced. As a matter of policy, pre-production.
THE right-wing war on the ABC is not over yet, not by a long shot. Chortling at the tangled, almost certainly unworkable new on the ABC board and announced this week, the usual ratbags are queueing to sink the boot in still deeper.
Fierravanti-Wells, the prima donna assoluta of the right-wing cabal which has snatched control of her party in NSW.
She has bombarded Worse still, "the ABC is using increased funding from the last federal budget to produce a mini-series, Bastard Boys, about seen the show - nobody has, it is still being made - but she's decided it will be used "to drive an anti-Government, pro-left agenda, conveniently timed to appear during an election year".
Most shocking of all, there are rats in the ranks: Liberal Party traitors who have connived at this wickedness, principally in the "Sadly," she writes, " I am informed that rogue left-wing provided the ABC with information. For a small group of disgruntled unpardonable.
"
The temptation is to dismiss the senator as barking mad, but she exploit the various complaint processes. "I would encourage you to be ever vigilant," she cries.
Talk about an agenda.
This is a campaign - at the expense of the conservative iron. Her intent is to intimidate program makers and executives into toeing her extremist line or, at least, to have them shy away from political debate and controversy. The war goes on.
(I declare an interest here. My wife is a Four Corners producer.)
the ABC's AM program, Senator Helen Coonan, the Communications Minister, was certain that her wonderful media ownership rules were all for the best, in the best of all possible worlds.
wave of takeovers soon?"
Minister: "I certainly don't expect to see that. I think that significant safeguards.
"
If Coonan had not jumped clear this week, she would have been dizzy round of takeovers, mergers, acquisitions, capital injections and whatnot touched off by her so-called reforms. Significant safeguards notwithstanding, the speed was breakneck, the billions breathtaking. If we are to take them at their word, Coonan and John the stampede.
I am not sure why, but there is a collective silliness infecting the federal cabinet at the moment. The assertion by the Education Minister, Julie Bishop, that Maoists have seized control of school curriculums is a prime example.
Then, Nick Minchin, the oleaginous Finance Minister, solemnly That was topped, for piercing insight, by Tony Abbott's Genius at work.
AT LAST, the perfect designer accessory for the happy couple with the home. Madonna, the egregious pop singer, has shown the way. "I have felt responsible for the children of the world.
I've been doing bits and bobs about it, and I suppose I was looking for a big, big project I could sink my teeth into," she gushed to Time magazine in August.
This week, swooping on the desperately impoverished African state of Malawi in her private jet, trailing clouds of glory and a scrum of the world's media, the material girl gathered up David Banda, a 13-month old boy, and announced that he would henceforth be hers. In her palatial London pied-a-terre, a life of comfort and plenty awaited.
Not that he was exactly an orphan. The winsome mite - apparently to look after him. The boy was being cared for in an orphanage.
that suddenly appeared in his life, for nobody seemed to have asked him. The whirlwind came and went, and with it his son.
The ethical dilemma here is acute.
The child has been extracted from a country ravaged by poverty, hunger and AIDS. A celebrity ego has been gratified. A father is bereft, perhaps.
I do not know that the good outweighs the trash.
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