Pittsburgh Post-Gazette - Local News - The Morning File with Peter Leo

Friday, March 2, 2007
Let's be honest about this: How many of you have called in sick as an excuse for doing something more fun than going to work? Right, roughly half the readership. OK, now how many of you have been seen out and about by a colleague after calling off?

I see a few hands and quite a few more red faces. Feel free to send your embarrassing stories to The Morning File. They'll be safe with us.

But no need to send your story, Clare Michie of Fife, Scotland. We have it right here. Clare, a 21-year-old hair stylist, told her boss she was ill and unable to show up for work.

But later that day, she went to watch her boyfriend run a race 40 miles away. Unfortunately, he won, and the following day, Clare wound up on the front page of The Scotsman, a national paper, delivering a congratulatory kiss. Her public display of affection got her fired, but she's still appealing the process more than a year later.

Scullion, Canada: "She has only been unlucky doing what we all have done. Sacking someone is a bit stiff." Joemac: "Could've been worse.

She could have been the one who won the race." Frodo the Scot, middle earth: "Ya'll never heard of the 5-minute flu? Some folk get it at least once a week.

" Graeme, Guangzhou: "Remember that our poor sick friend is going through global humiliation. They should ask her back as a 'celebrity stylist' on increased wages. Great for business.

" Sinnerman, Another Planet: "Does she have recourse to sue The Scotsman for invasion of privacy by publishing her photograph without consent?" Terrymich, USA: "Note to self: Next time I'm sick, avoid cameras and national coverage." Booby Action: "Maybe the illness was stress-induced, and a trip to the races did her a world of good!

" Dayvan Cowboy: "As YouTube gets bigger and people feel the need to film just about anything up to and including sitting on the toilet, more people will get nabbed." SteveSC, West Lothian: "How many of us should be working instead of reading The Scotsman and posting messages? Over a year, I bet it all adds up to a day off stolen from our employers.

I have a really BORING job I should be getting on with." The Scotsman, known for its in-depth reporting, went on to recount other fascinating cases of workers faking illness: A man sent in a sick note but could not be contacted at home.

The mystery was solved when a personnel department employee spotted him returning on a flight from Spain. To maintain his integrity, the man insisted to the personnel minion that it was a case of mistaken identity. A journalist named Petronella Wyatt is said to have used her mother, Lady Wyatt, to cover for her when a pressing social engagement necessitated taking a sick day. One day, Lady Wyatt called her daughter's boss to say that Ms. Wyatt had a cold.

The man expressed profound confusion. It seems Ms. Wyatt was sitting next to him at the time.

After a brief silence, Lady Wyatt replied: "Silly me. I got the wrong day. I am supposed to say she is off with a cold tomorrow.

" We're late to this Saturday story from Lodi, Calif., that's been the toast of the Internet's oddball sector for having one of the great opening sentences in the history of journalism. Here goes: "A jazz musician was injured Friday after jumping from a burning motor home driven by a one-time roller skating stripper from Lodi.

" It is a thing of beauty that packs so much drama and broad life experience into a mere 22 words, ending with the comic finality of "Lodi." (Try substituting "Palo Alto" or "Mt. Lebanon," and, you'll agree, the sentence doesn't work as well.

) But that's not all: The one-time roller skating stripper from Lodi turns out to be a guy, one Anthony "Tony" Luccketta, 49. It seems the brakes failed, and Tony had to stop the 1979 motor home by crashing into a fence. Neither man was seriously injured.

The Lodi News-Sentinel reported no sign of alcohol, noting "that the Coors Light beer can on the dashboard appeared to be a decoration." Dittybopper: "Man, any sentence with 'Lodi' in it gets me laughing." tcd004: "This is our punishment for disturbing Jesus' bones.

" von fapowitz: "I'm a Jazz guitarist, and this sort of thing is not uncommon." Federal Duck: "This is worse than that time my orthodontist, wearing a black silk tiara and cowboy boots, got chased through Bloomingdale's by a group of deaf-mute haberdashers wielding tent poles they stole from the travelling llama circus down the road . .

. Oh, it's not worse? Sorry.

"

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