The only thing I hate more than finals are the people taking them. Everyone is stressed out and their anxieties manifest themselves in various obnoxious ways. The leg-shaker is one of the most annoying kids to sit near during a final.

He sits down and immediately starts shaking his leg so violently that the entire row rocks with his abrupt spasms. His neuroses force my body to gyrate like a humping bunny rabbit. Leg-shakers should have a special designated shaking section.

If they all sat together they would not be able to disturb the crowd that is opposed to pre-final humps. Even more irking than the chronic shaker is the kid who sits next to me and right before the final says, "I am so screwed, I only started studying for this final a month ago." A month ago!

I begin studying for my finals two days before I take them. If he is screwed, I am so screwed that I might as well have downed two screwdrivers so that I could have at least enjoyed my screw. Harshly sobering is the kid who sits near me and starts reciting obscure facts that I never considered important enough to study.

Even though the information is superfluous, I become filled with self-doubt and insecurity. Why did I focus on WWII instead of the Amish revolution in Kansas of 1945? I am totally going to fail.

Another fear-instiller before finals is the girl who arrives decked out in cute clothes, makeup and high heels. She clearly is more organized and well-prepared than I am since she was able to devote two hours to her appearance. I wear the pajamas to my finals that I had slept in the night before.

Well, sleeping is normally not a common activity the night before a final, so in actuality I wear the sexy oversized flannels that I sported at the 24-hour room. If I am in a really stylish mood I might even wipe the sleep out of my eyes, but let's be real, I normally don't have time for that. The only thing that I have time for during finals is eating fattening things.

I transform into a pregnant lady with an insatiable appetite, craving things that I have not eaten since I was five, such as Pop Rocks. I have time to search every market in Davis for Pop Rocks, but I do not have five minutes to steam broccoli. There is no time for healthiness during finals.