Wake the pets and call the neighbors. It's time for our monthly TNA pay-per-view preview column.
DISCLAIMER: Projections are made by myself and for myself with absolutely no assistance from Vince %$@ *!
ing Russo. This preview has been sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk Wagnall's porch since noon today. Some of our departing contestants will receive a year's supply ofHercules Hooks, the fastest way to hang just about anything.
Just push, set and hang. And remember, four whammies brings tears to your eyes and puts you out of the game. Remember, this is only an exhibition.
This is not a competition. Please, please, no wagering. This lineup is based on the best available information as of this writing.
Also remember that my projections are based on what I would do if I had booking control over Total Nonstop Action.
This is one of those rare instances where you'd be more likely to order Sunday night's pay-per-view if you hadn't watched the three weeks of TNA Impact leading up to Turning Point. The rumor out of TNA is that the reason the last taping was so messed up was because TNA head writer Vince Russo thought the move to two hours was permanent, so he wrote a series of two-hour episodes.
If you want an example of how messed up this company is, read that last sentence again. Also, the word is out that the two main events from Genesis had their finishes changed (or botched) by the performers in the matches, which is sure to build up the trust between the booker and the main eventers.
On the Live Pre-Show: The only announced match features Ron Killings Lance Hoyt against The Serotonin, probably consisting of Frankie Kazarian and Matt Bentley, managed by Raven.
Remember, preshow wrestlers by any other name are still preshow wrestlers. Projection?
There will be a Christmas-themed opening video package for this show, as producer Dave Sahadi makes his big push for the 2006 Mr.
TNA award.
BG James and Kip James perform a skit: Producer Hal Roach finds a barn for BG and Kip, and they put on a show.
Eric Young vs.
Our Ms. Brooks (Bikini Contest): Eric Young in a bikini. Shoot me.
Projection? Slick Johnson is the referee. Eric Young "wins" the fan voting, gets attacked by Robert Roode.
And…scene.
Alex Shelley vs. Austin Starr vs.
Jay Lethal vs. Senshi vs. Sonjay Dutt (Paparazzi Championship Series): This could be a really good match…in Ring of Honor or some indy promotion.
Here it's filler. As long as Senshi kicks Kevin Nash in the head at some point, the finish is negotiable. Projection?
Alex Shelley pins Sonjay Dutt. Jay Lethal pins Alex Shelley. Austin Starr pins Jay Lethal, and Senshi pins Starr when Alex Shelley's interference backfires.
Let Senshi be Senshi.
Rhino vs. AJ Styles: Rhino attempted to be the peacemaker between AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels, and AJ Styles kept getting annoyed at Rhino for being a busybody.
Projection? Rhino's tough, but Styles shows off his dark side by pinning Rhino with the Styles Clash and taunting the Gore-ior after the match.
Latin American Xchange vs.
America's Most Wanted (Flag Match – Non Title): This is the follow-up to LAX beating the stringy-haired fellows like drums, and Harris and Storm sort of fighting back with a couple of run-ins. Projection?Gail Kim grabs the blackjack away from Konnan, enabling Chris Harris to roll up Hernandez and the American flag flies high over the Impact Zone.
Christopher Daniels vs. Chris Sabin (NWA X Division Title – Special Referee Jerry Lynn): Hey, is there an issue between Chris Sabin and Jerry Lynn? Because, with the forty million angles TNA has been working on over the last couple of shows, they forgot about the X title feud.
Projection? Sabin tries to cheat, but Lynn won't let him, and Daniels finishes Sabin off with a flash pin. Sabin goes off of Mr.
J.L. after the match, and fans have to pull apart Lynn and Sabin.
Kurt Angle vs. Samoa Joe – Round 2: Kurt Angle has gotten the better of Samoa Joe throughout this feud, to the point that Joe really needs a win to get his credibility back. Projection?
Angle tries to get Joe up for the Olympic Slam but Joe won't let him. Joe locks in the Kokina Clutch, and Angle won't tap, but he fails to respond to the referee. Joe evens the score.
Abyss vs. Sting vs. Christian Cage (NWA World Heavyweight Title): It's a three way match where no one can afford a loss.
Projection? Christian knocks out Sting with an international object, but Abyss comes in and steals the pin. Leave the thumbtacks and barbed wire at home, kiddies.
Aftermath: Next month is Final Resolution. Really. We'll have a resolution to the mysterious storyline with Tomko and Abyss, as we discovered they met years ago in a wrestling locker room while fighting over the same beard trimmer.
Sting and Christian Cage still hate each other. Samoa Joe goes after Abyss and the NWA Title, while AJ Styles tries to take Kurt Angle down a peg (and vice versa).
Pat McNeill of Fairfax, Va.
has been a Torch columnist since February 2001. He needs you to be a buddy and get off the shed. His "McNeill Factor" column appears weekly in the Torch Newsletter.
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