Twice a week, we dig in the archives for videos that we find noteworthy, memorable, or just unbelievably stupid. And then, we break 'em down for you.
Why Video Hangover? Because when you watch as many videos as we do, you're going to feel it afterwards.
Lene Alexandra, 2007
Some things to think about while you’re watching this in silence on your work computer.
..
Sexy visual alert!
We watched a few times just to make sure we got them all: sexy secretary, sexy beauty queen, sexy nurse, sexy cheerleader, sexy car washers. There’s even a sexy pit crew, for those Norwegian NASCAR Truck Series enthusiasts.
You know, Boo, the twelveteenth letter in the alphabet
Just once we’d like to see a novelty video that tries to subvert the clichés of the genre even as it embraces those same clichés.
Like, how about a sexy female CEO, or a naughty prime minister? But, then again, maybe we shouldn't set the art-bar too high for a woman who spells "boobs" with three letters, one of which isn't even a letter.
Although this video has many absurd and maybe even offensive aspects, it's hard to argue with Ms.
Alexandra's contention: her boobs are OK. True, we're not doctors or anything, but if they're OK enough to win the "Miss Boobs" pageant, they’re OK enough for us.
Same basic idea, but we might mix in a modern classic or two with all the nonsense reggaeton and historically inaccurate hair metal, just to keep things interesting.
Why Video Hangover? Because when you watch as many videos as we do, you're going to feel it afterwards.
In honor of this week’s , we present a special puppet-off between two well-known video stars: Norman and Flat Eric.
Mr. Oizo, 1999
vs.
Interpol, 2005
Flat Eric is a Henson creation, which makes him a descendent of Kermit et al. Norman, on the other hand, , who specializes in alien pornography. Muppets or ?
We always knew this day would come, but that doesn’t make the decision any easier.
Armi Danny, 1978
In 1977, an unmanned NASA craft (Sub-Orbiting Galactic Analysis Yardstick) crash-landed in Helsinki. Most of the equipment was destroyed, except for a copy of ABBAs first album, the back seat of a Studebaker, three episodes of Happy Days, and several production stills from Saturday Night Fever.
The people of Finland, unsure of the meaning of these objects, built a shrine to the wreckage, and worshipped it like a god.
Savor the flavor, because it won’t happen again
Man, do we love the internet. Not only does it give us a forum to speculate about where Kanye West might be ordering lunch, but it gives a new life to videos like this, which probably (okay, definitely) never made it to MTV.
But it’s ironic that the internet, by making the same pop culture staples available to everyone, everywhere in the world, reduces the potential for the kind of gloriously absurd visual malapropisms that made this video so ridiculous. In today’s world, it would be almost impossible to create something as unironically misguided as “I Wanna Love You Tender.” It would be a “mocumentary,” or some self-conscious idiots on YouTube, or it would feature Britney’s vagina.
And, in a way, that’s a shame.
We’ve tried nothing, and we’re all out of ideas
Make sure you stick around until the 2:00 mark, when the choreographer goes out for a sandwich and the cheerleaders get to freestyle for a bit. We have some sort of tandem fish mime, a woman with a doll, and what appears to be a two-person luge reenactment.
What’s your favorite interpretive dance? We like the b-boy with the boombox, but it’s hard to pick against the waving wheelbarrow sex people.
Got a candidate for Video Hangover?
Email tips at stereogum dot com.
BONUS: After the jump, check out Armi Danny doing Joy Division.
Europe, 1987
Music-wise, Cherokee is epic, but can someone please tell us why a Swedish hair-metal band decided to sing about the forced relocation of Native Americans in the 1830s?
This would be like Panic! At the Disco writing a song about the shameful evils of the Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882.
Unfortunately, the Keytar had been dipped in smallpox
This video combines several of our favorite things: archeologists, completely inaccurate historical re-enactments, lone figures rocking out on a desolate bluff, and a Keytar.
If you listen closely, you can hear your seventh-grade history teacher crying
The heavy footprints, the clashing swords, the firing muskets – many bands would have insisted that the music do the talking, but Europe was more concerned with telling a good story. Frankly, we wish more bands were as brave with sound design, if only to highlight the extreme dangers of soloing in the middle of a firefight.
El Debarge, 1986
Some things to consider while you’re trying to figure out why Ally Sheedy is wearing an apron.
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Who makes Steve Guttenberg a star?
We do! We do!
You know our thoughts about and , but this is our first encounter with a .
Frankly, we’re not sure how we feel about this. On one hand, you have to give the director credit for finding a quick and goofy way to involve the star of the movie he was trying to promote. On the other hand, when the star of the movie you’re trying to promote can be replaced by a cardboard cutout, maybe you’ve hitched your wagon to the wrong horse.
No matter what you think about his wispy moustache, soul-glo afro, and girlish falsetto, El Debarge has a really cool name. It's like a cross between a Dutch impressionist and a Mexican wrestler. Or it would be, if "El" weren’t actually short for "Eldra.
" Fitting, perhaps, but disappointing nonetheless.
Unlike Sammy Hagar, El Debarge managed to stay out of jail
What is it about the legal system that inspires such ridiculous videos? "Who's Johnny" was one of at least a half-dozen high-profile '80s videos to take place in a courtroom, and it embraces all the conventions of this mini-genre.
We have a hero on trial for . A crusty old judge, . A stuck-up prosecutor who hates music.
A chorus that gets the jury jumping, leading to an orgy of awkward dancing and/or . And, of course, footage of Ally Sheedy hitting a Camaro with a baseball bat.
Twice a week, we dig in the MTV/VH1 archives for videos that we find noteworthy, memorable, or just unbelievably stupid.
Is it crap, or is it the greatest video ever made? You decide.
Andy’s Val Talent, 2006
Some things to think about while you’re googling a translation of the chorus.
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We recommend watching this once.
After that, you're on your own.
We watch a lot of videos -- good and bad -- so when we stumble upon something this gleefully and unapologetically stupid, we take notice. Is it serious?
Probably not. Has it brought much joy into our lives? Absolutely.
Are we about ready for someone to beat it out of our heads with a lead pipe? In a word: uleeeleuuuuuuuhauuuuueelaaaauhhhhhhuuuuuuuuuu.
Actually, the lyrics were co-written by Fergie
This video only proves what we had suspected all along: You don’t have to make sense in any language to write a better song than "My Humps.
"
Given the obvious budget limitations for this project, we were impressed by all of the hip-hop and dance clichés Chacarron manages to incorporate. Sexy women, track suits, fish-eye lenses -- they even have a rap interlude. But unfortunately they forgot to read the most important chapter of Diddy For Dummies -- Chapter 1: Sample a Really Famous Song.
If these guys had babbled nonsensically over, say, "King of Pain" they could have gone multi-platinum. As it is they’re probably doomed to obscurity.
Nelly, 2006
At first glance this seems like your typical hip-hop video.
Smoking-hot women in bikinis, Nelly with his shirt off, lots of colorful hats. Everybody hanging out in slow motion and having the absolute best time ever. And then come the fifty close-ups of mouth-bling.
Or, as we like to call it, Weird Al’s kryptonite.
Our Moms was not happy, and neither was Dr. Goldberg
We’ve been having a recurring nightmare about rooting through the dumpster behind Chuck E Cheese searching for the $60,000 platinum and diamond retainer we accidentally left beside the pizza box while we were off playing Zaxon.
It’s getting hot in here, so take out all you teeth
If there’s a stupider wannabe trend, in hip hop or otherwise, we can’t think of it. How long do you think it took for the guys who listened to Nelly and melted their jewelry down into custom orthodontia to regret their decision? Six, seven seconds?
And you know there was at least one guy who actually had his teeth pulled, and Nelly was like “No, man, caps! We’re all wearing caps!” This is the sort of nonsense that makes us miss Ol’ Dirty Bastard.
Got a candidate for Video Hangover? Email tips at stereogum dot com.
Twice a week, we dig in the MTV/VH1 archives for videos that we find noteworthy, memorable, or just unbelievably stupid.
Is it crap, or is it the greatest video ever made? You decide.
Go West, 1990
Apparently Go West didn’t have the same star-pulling power , so they went with the next best thing: celebrity impersonators.
Celebrity impersonators are like tribute bands, but for people. So who wins the battle of the person-bands? The woman at the beginning does a passable Julia Roberts, and Roy Orbison is creepy enough to be the real guy.
But we’re giving our award to the fake L.A. Kings, who don’t even need ice to pretend they suck at hockey.
There’s Elvis. And King Kong. Also Neptune, the king of the sea.
The L.A. Kings.
There’s the King of spades. And an actual king, with a crown. The pope, he’s kind of a king.
Sort of. And what else? A zebra?
That’s like the king of the horses, right?
We knew John Oates, and you sir are no John Oates
It’s always fun to analyze the power dynamics of pop duos. Is it a Lennon-McCartney style partnership, or is it more of a Michael-Ridgeley ass-carrying?
Who is the alpha-dog of Go West? In a video with this many questionable aesthetic decisions it can be hard to tell, but we’re pretty sure it’s not the guy with the bike shorts and the electric, stand-up bass. Richard Drummie (yes, that’s his real name) appears to be a talented musician, but he comes off looking like Vanilli to Peter Cox’s Milli.
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