There have been a singing-detective TV show, shaggy-dog D.A. movies and now Jeff Goldblum's hallucinating detective in "Raines.
" This new series is mediocre, however, so my mind wanders: Why can't there be an even more offbeat cop series called "Tattoo Detective," named after a line from Devo's 1980 hit, "Whip It." A tattoo detective could solve the mystery that is Britney Spears' head, or gang-related crimes. Ideally, both.
But I put "Raines" on pause to Google "Tattoo Detective," and I discover the phrase is a goof. All these years, I was mishearing Devo's actual line, which is "try to detect it." What a bummer.
I'd still vote for the premise of a "Tattoo Detective" over the reality of "Raines." Goldblum portrays Michael Raines, an investigator whose work partner croaked. Without a cohort, Raines needs to talk to somebody while driving around Los Angeles, so instead he chats to hallucinations of dead victims.
Raines' boss doesn't give Raines a new partner, but rather sends him to a therapist played by Madeleine Stowe, apparently because he thinks Raines is talking to himself, and because TV shows need therapist characters. Why wouldn't Raines' commander just assign him a new partner? Well, that's obvious.
If he did, Raines' non-living-dead hallucinations wouldn't have an empty passenger seat to occupy for this show. These walking-talking corpses are not ghosts, so they have no knowledge of themselves. Ergo, Raines' visions can't really give him clues, because they are clueless.
This isn't a horrible premise for a character-study show. But "Raines" is more plotty than character-ish. Furthermore, Goldblum doesn't seem committed to the role, or maybe he is, but he's not quite pulling it off.
He mumbles. He makes Raines too cagey and confused to make his dialogue work. You can hear kernels of good things in the script.
Raines wants his new analyst to think he's merely talking to himself. Goldblum, a good actor, flubs this lie to her: "I can't think of anybody more interesting to talk to. Ew.
My gosh. I'm a narcissist." That's a nice line, but it comes out barely coherent.
The script -- like the direction and acting -- is only half on. Goldberg must speak a bunch of other jokey character lies about how his hobby is to make wax models of his internal organs; yada, convoluted, yada. "Raines" is a rare miss this season for NBC, home to new standouts "Heroes," "30 Rock" and "Friday Night Lights.
" With Goldblum and Stowe co-starring in a light drama, NBC should be bragging about another critical victory, punning along the lines of something like, "When it 'Raines,' it pours." But "Raines" is too poor to reign. (I knew I could make that cliche even worse if I just tried hard enough.
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